Bells Palsy

So the last 5 weeks have been an up and down roller coaster for me.  On the morning of Monday December 23, 2013 I woke up and knew something was wrong.  I couldn't feel the left side of my face.  I told myself that it was all in my head.  I looked in the mirror about a hundred times.   Then I brushed my teeth.  There was definitely a problem.  I was unable to spit.  I started doing a self evaluation.  No weakness in my arm or leg, my face was just paralyzed.   I knew I had Bells Palsy AGAIN.  The first time I had it was in 2005, and now 5 weeks into this I can tell you it is much more severe this time.  In 2005 it seems like it only lasted for 2 weeks before I had function back in my face, no ear pain, no cold sores, no headaches.

So I told Dan but hadn't said anything to anyone else.  I remember being so mad at Dan that he had told  Sandi that I my face was paralyzed.  When I expressed my anger, he said to me "Honey, she's gonna notice."  Then I cried.  Probably not because my best friend would see me with a half frozen face, but probably because we were on vacation, and I was quickly feeling very sick.

Bells Palsy is a virus that lays dormant in your body and then can be triggered by a handful of things, mainly, stress and  lack of sleep.  The 7th cranial nerve is where this virus lives.  When it flares up it causes swelling in the nerve shaft, thus making the nerve not work properly.  Damage can be permanent but most people who suffer from Bells Palsy have a full recovery.  We will see since this is the second time I have had it, and it's worse this time.

By the evening hours I was beyond miserable.  My left eye was not blinking, I was in a lot of pain and I was starved because it's hard to eat.  I finally gave in to Dan and went to an urgent care clinic.  The doctor was super nice and prescribed an anti-viral med, a two week round of steroids, pain meds and over the counter eye drops and eye patch to protect my eye.  I would have to say that the anti-viral and the steroids did nothing to lessen the longevity of my damaged cranial nerve.

Some of the most bothersome symptoms are my ear.  Noises seem so much louder.  Sometimes the sound in my ear is as if I am underwater constantly.  I now carry a baggie of ear plugs in my purse just in case it gets too loud.  I can draw the line down my face exactly where the nerve goes, because this is the line the facial pain follows.  I have to have a straw in order to drink anything.  Taking medication is a hacking, gagging event because my tongue doesn't work properly since half of it is numb.  I have to eat foods that can be eaten with a fork.  Sandwiches, tacos and things of the like are a no go because my mouth doesn't open wide enough.  My vision blurs easily as my left eye is tired from trying to focus with my right eye.  Things taste funny.  Things that should taste cold tend to feel hot on my tongue and vice versa.  My speech is also slurred, making it hard to talk on the phone because people have a hard time understanding what I've said.  And all of these symptoms are worse when I am tired.

I have hidden out at home a lot since returning from vacation.  When I have had to go out  I wear my sunglasses the whole time.  Not only to protect my eye but to try and avoid looks from other people.  The girls have been a huge help and we played dodge the people we know at Wal-Mart on a couple of occasions now.  I stayed home from church for 3 weeks and only went this Sunday and tried to act preoccupied so people wouldn't talk to me, and as soon as church was over I made a bee line for the van.

At this point there has been quite a bit of improvement in the visual look of my face.  My cheek has some shape to it again and when I smile it will move up some.  My eye is blinking again but it is much slower than my right eye.  If I am sitting expressionless you can just about not tell there is anything wrong.  It is now only when I smile and laugh.  My speech is good most of the day unless I have done a lot of talking during the day, and then by evening it becomes slurred.  My ear is still a huge problem.  It feels like someone is stabbing me right behind my ear lobe almost all of the time.  I have still been waking up with a headache most mornings.

I decided to write this post because I have been so self conscious about this.  Pretty stupid right?  I just have to say that I have the most awesome visiting teacher.  She had been texting with me since we got home at Christmas and knew I was sick but I told her I was good and wasn't up for a visit.  On the 3rd Sunday I missed church she sent me a text message telling me she was on the way over to the house.  We had a nice visit and she said something that I wish someone had said to me weeks before.  She told me that it didn't matter that other people wouldn't understand or maybe thought it was no big deal that my face was paralyzed.  She said as long as it was a big deal to me, then those feelings are real and that makes my feelings valid.  Exhale here.  After some tears it was amazing how much better I felt.

So on with life.  I am going to try and just act like nothing is wrong and if someone asks I'll be forth coming.  I am putting a picture that was taken on December 26th.  It is the only picture that has been taken that I look "normal" in.  I have deleted all the rest because they were horrible.  I want to keep this picture not only as a reminder but also so that if I get this for a 3rd time I can compare.