It is that time of year, when during the summer class reunions are being held. I didn't attend my 10th high school reunion and it didn't bother me one bit. I had just had Courtney 2 months earlier, and we had a 10 day camping trip planned to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary.
Tonight is the first night of my 20th class reunion in Rock Springs, Wyoming. I am in Las Vegas, Nevada, so I guess I will not be attending this one either. However this time I have other feelings about it. I am freaking SAD. I feel so disappointed that I wasn't able to go this time. I have known about the reunion from the very first planning meeting, thanks to Facebook. When the group of people who became the organizing committee decided on dates, at first I was excited. The 9th-11th of August. Score, then we could just make it an anniversary trip too. Then reality hit a couple of month later. The 3 older girls would be at Girls Camp until the 10th. Ok no biggie, Shelbylyn is old enough to take care of things while we are gone for a couple of days. Then the realization that Dan wouldn't be able to go with me because he needs all his vacation days for the trip in December. Then I started not feeling brave enough to go without him. I had looked up flights for Courtney & I to fly to Wyoming. It was doable. I would have just left Courtney in Casper with family and then made the 4 hour drive to Rock Springs. Then I hurt my leg, Shelbylyn broke her foot and the doctor bills started rolling in. There went all the "extra" money for at least 6 months. Plus I am trying to save for the big December trip. So in June I made the executive choice to not go to Wyoming for the reunion. Now as I sit here today and watch all the Facebook updates about people arriving, I regret my choice.
The logical part of my brain keeps telling me that I am being silly. That is will turn into a big drunken party after several hours, that I am not that close with any of the people from high school anymore. And the fact of the matter is I really am not brave enough to face people from high school without Dan anyway. Also I didn't want to go back as the girl who gained a 100 pounds since high school either. So why the tears today? Maybe it's hormones. Maybe it's me being angry about all the things that I have sacrificed so that I could be an adult. Maybe I am angry at myself for giving up so much all the time so that other people can attain the things that they want in life. Maybe I need to learn how to not regret choices that I have made and just get on with it and be happy more often.
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