Keeping Every Thing in Perspective

So I admit, I don't always like my husband.  I am always madly in love with him and find him irresistibly amazing, but I don't always like him.  As a matter of fact, last week was one of those weeks when I could have just punched him in the throat... hard!  I think he is just to laid back when it come to the girls, their phones, where they are and who they are with sometimes.  Last week #4  had permission to stay after school to watch the basketball game.  I had some work stuff that needed to go out in the mail that day and wanted to drop it off before the last pick up, so I ask Dan to text #4 to see if she was almost finished.  After several text messages to her and no response, he tried calling, her phone went straight to voicemail.  Well I was livid!  I don't pay for you to have a cell phone and then have you turn it off so I can't be in touch with you.  Dan, mister laid back unemotional guy, acts like it is no big deal.  So we get in the car and head to the middle school because I was going to grab her by the ear and pull her away from her darling friends!  As we discussed the matter in the car, Dan YELLED at me.  Not just yelled, but YELLED at me, in his scary Marine Corps voice.  It was not pleasant.  And it honestly just made me more angry, just at him now instead of at #4.  So I said to him, fine, maybe #4 was making out in the bathroom with a boy, and since that is no big deal, I will let it go.   On our way to the school #4 calls my phone from some random number and says she is ready but her phone isn't working (ok, so I admit I did over react about the phone, which really was having technical issues).  However when we pulled up at the school guess who she was waiting with...ummm yeah a BOY!  I didn't say anything but let me just put it out there, that this girl is going to give us a run for our money, and I warned her father... only to be YELLED at.  (not that I have any proof or reason to believe she has done anything she shouldn't... but I am a mother of 4 girls... and I was a girl once...I know things!)

So the rest of the week I spent being kind but distant to mister I never show much emotion until I explode and scare the living life out of people.  He gets that I am still unhappy and actually tells me to stop pouting!  The nerve... lucky he didn't get a throat punch.  We all go about our existence.  I got my hair drastically cut and he didn't notice for 5 DAYS, and that was after #4 slipped and mentioned something.  At church I made the girls sit on the opposite side of the chapel so I didn't have to sit and stare at him for an hour. 

Then things all got put back into perspective....

I have been trying to be better at church so I left my phone at home on Sunday.  The first speaker doesn't even make it 5 minutes into his talk and three of the girls are passing me their phones, they all have the message that says "give your phone to mom".  I respond on #2's phone that I have everyone's phone now.  Then he tells me he is shaky and dripping sweat and needs to go to the ER.  So like the mom that I have to be I tell him to lean over and tell Bishop that he is going to the ER and I will meet him in the back of the church.

We get to the car and he is DRIPPING sweat.  It of course has to be raining which hinders my ability to drive super fast like I want to because the VA hospital is far away.  He says his arms went numb and can't really tell how fast his heart is beating, and I can't drive and take his pulse at the same time.  Anyway we arrive safely at the ER, and they get him right back.  Which I greatly appreciate.  Of course by the time they get him hooked up to the EKG machine the episode is over and they don't catch it, but no worries it's in his chart that he has supraventricular tachycardia and start treating him as such.  Those VA nurses are pretty slick and get that darn IV going in a blink of an eye.  They took Dan for some tests and I try and communicate with people via text message which is complicated because it's a cement bunker basically and I have to practically go outside to get a phone signal. 

So back to perspective.  I instantly get over all the issues from the week and realize that we just had a cardiac emergency AGAIN!  We are in a holding pattern until he can see the actual cardiologist on the 30th.  Dan and I have had the talk a zillion times since 1997 when his cardiac issues started.  What will I do when he dies, what will the plan be.  I try to just not think about it.   So the perspective is really to just love each other, be happy and try not to kill the kids until they are old enough to be adults. 

So this week we will sit back where we always do, so that he can wink at me from the stand.  I'll break a leg trying to get to the phone or the doorbell that is ringing off the hook, so not to disturb his sleep, and I'll kiss his squishy lips a few extra times.  Life should be about the love and not about the moments when you want to punch them in the throat.  Always remember that you don't ever know when the last kiss will happen or the last I'll see ya later.  So don't spend time being upset, spend it in love, because that is so much better.