Sweet Chewy

This place is sure going to be different now.

  Yesterday I got up and went to work just like every Monday.  I didn't notice anything was amiss, the house was quite especially with Delanie, Renae and Courtney in Wyoming.  Dan, Shelbylyn and the animals were all sleeping as I slipped out the door at 5:15.  Once at work, I set up my work station as normal.  Off to the left of my computer I set up my tablet and proceeded to log into Facebook.  Throughout my shift I scroll through and see what the world is up to, play a game or two between phone calls, I can't deny I usually have a pretty cushy job, minus the 4 am wake up call.  At about 10 am I noticed that Dan was messaging me, a lot.  I scrolled back to the top of his rapidly coming messages.  Chewy was unable to stand up.  He could work his front legs, but his back legs were completely useless.  And to make matters worse, every time he tried to move, he lost control of his bowels.  Dan was quickly telling me over instant message that we were going to have to let him go.  I of course am trying to stay calm because I am at work.  I beg, plead and ask a million questions of Dan trying to make him see that there must be something we could do, for a different outcome.  He as best as he can over messaging explains, that he is suffering and that it is really bad.

Then I start to panic about the girls being gone in Wyoming.  They won't get to say goodbye.  Dan calls them and talks to each of them, explaining why we have to let Chewy go, and why we can't wait until they get home on Monday.  He said they all took it like troopers.  Today I feel like it could be a tender mercy that they weren't here.  They cried of course but seem to be handling it much better than Shelbylyn and I.

I finally get done with work, make it to the car and call Dan.  He has to go to court, and can't miss it, but after court he will come home.  He had already talk to his SGT, about needing to help me deal with this.  He tells me to call the vet and get things set up.  We disconnect because he has to leave.  I call the vet, bawling at this point.  I talked to Robyn, who was so sweet.  She listened through my sobs as I told her what was going on.  She told me that we could just come to the clinic whenever we were ready and Dr. Hammond would help us.  She said she would tell her to expect us.  So at this point I have to pull myself together and drive 30 minutes home.  Dan had made me promise to drive safe, one tragedy a day is all he can deal with he said.  So I pull it together and and drive home.

When I arrive I find Shelbylyn laying with Chewy on the tile.  I don't say anything and just leave them be.  I can't face it.  Finally she gets up and starts doing the dishes.  He continues to lay on the cool tile.  After Shelbylyn loads the dishes she comes to sit with me in the tv room, it's then that he tried to move, to be closer to us.  It was HORRIBLE.  We get the treats and beg him to just lay down and stay where he was.  To see him trying to drag his 85 pound body was the worst.  I sit and pray that Dan's court appearance won't take as long as he is expecting it too.  He didn't think he could be back much before 3 and it was only shortly after 1.  At 1:40 he text me to tell me he was on his way, a blessing.

Dan gets home and gets out of his uniform.  Shelbylyn brought down a blanket to carry him on.  Shelbylyn's back is hurt and I am just a mess, so Dan calls Brooks Brown to have him come over and help him get Chewy into the van.  We pulled the van right up to the front door of the house.  Dan gave Chewy a few more treats as they tried to carefully position him on the blanket to lift him.   The drive only takes about 10 minutes if that to get to our vet clinic.  Dan parks and I go inside to let them know we were there and that we would need help getting him in.  Robyn was at the desk, and continued to be so sweet.  She had two techs come out with a rolling table to put him on to get him inside a room she had ready for us.

At this point Shelbylyn is beyond consolable, as I keep trying to get her to calm down and breathe, even though I am about to hypervenalate myself.  We take care of all the paperwork for the cremation, payment for services rendered, you know all the business stuff.  So then when we are really hysterical we can just leave the office.

Dan is being so stoic the whole time, it must be hard for him to see the two of us like this.  He was probably greatful that he wasn't dealing with all 5 of us.  I see him turning red and know that he is struggling to hold it together.  We are just loving on our sweet dog and feeding him treats, as many as he wanted.

Dr. Hammond comes in.  She is such a wonderful vet.  She talks to us about his age and how he really is very old for a dog of his size.  She tells us what good animal parents we have been and that his age shows how well we loved him.  She also explains that we have made a good decision to help end his suffering.  She explains the process.  My regret is not being with him when he died.  It was a choice we all made.  Something I just don't think we could have handled.  Dr. Hammond took his collar off and handed it to me.  And then took him into the back room.   We stood in the exam room, crying, even Dan now.  After a few minutes, Dan pulls us together so that we can leave the office.  I text the girls and let them know he isn't suffering anymore.  They seem ok.  I check on them throughout the rest of the day.

We get home and just sit on the couch and cry.  The house seems extra quite now.  Slowly the tears slowed.  I keep telling myself that it was for the better, that we knew he wasn't going to live forever, and that in recent months we knew the end was going to be sooner than later.

He ashes should be back by Friday, so when we return from Wyoming on Monday we can pick them up.  The plan is to bury them.  Dan isn't thrilled about this, but I'll dig the hole myself if I have to.

Every family should be so lucky to have such a great dog as our Chewy