I Mourn Not What You Think....

Shelbylyn is gone on her mission.  Everyone keeps asking how I am doing.  Well I am not in bed hiding under the covers in the depths of despair.  Below are some thoughts of how I am.  Do I tear up and cry some, you bet I do.  You try spending practically everyday of 19 years with someone and then drop them off for 18 months only to actually get to talk to them twice a year, and receive mail from them once a week.  How do you think I am...I am lost without her, even though she is still mine.

 

I have been less teary as the days move on, but truth be told I have been an emotional wreck since Shelbylyn got her mission call on Halloween 2014.  Dropping her off at the MTC was hard.  I teared up a bit but I stayed strong because I was worried that if I was a mess it would make it harder for her to just go and get started with her mission.  Dan was driving us home but I could see he was tired and staying awake while driving was getting harder and harder.  We stopped in Beaver, Utah to get a snack and fuel for the car, and to switch spots.  Dan started to doze and in the quietness of the van I started to be really sad.  Not just a little sad, but down right devastated.  I don’t mourn the fact that Shelbylyn is serving a full time mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I relish in her choices to do good things and to serve not only the Lord but the people of the Washington Vancouver Mission.  I do mourn though, and these are the things I mourn:

  *The baby girl who made me a Mom

  *The preschooler who would freak out if her socks weren’t just so, and her shoe laces didn’t lay in just the right place on her shoe.

*The kindergartener who wanted to do her own hair, and would go to school with 38 barrettes and 7 ponytails on a regular basis.

*The tween who after many fights and extra tutoring, learned to love reading with a little book called Twilight.  Now she hopes to have a library in her home someday.

*The middle schooler who had a wicked volleyball serve and could over hand serve harder than some high school girls.

*The girl who had the confidence to be in the school musical, and to try out for the all girl choir.

*The girl who had first dibs on trying to kill me while learning how to drive.

*The girl who overcame and adapted to a new high school at a very difficult time in her teenage life.

 

So see I really just mourn the years.  The years that passed incredibly quickly.  Too quickly.  And now like a blink of an eye, it’s over.  She’s an adult.  She survived being the first in all of my parenting ups and downs.  And you know what, she turned out pretty dang awesome!